How to Love Beyond the Surface

Monk Mindset for Living Well

Monk Mindset 5

Choose Love: Love is Your Purpose

Reflection on the Monk Mindset & Quote

It’s easy to mistake charity for a transaction—money given, box checked. But real compassion asks more of us. It’s not just about what we give, but how. Without heart, giving becomes a way of outsourcing our humanity.

This principle extends far beyond formal giving money into the fabric of our daily relationships. Consider the parent who provides materially for their children but remains emotionally absent, or the friend who shows up to events but never truly shows up as a person. 

We can fulfill our obligations while remaining fundamentally disconnected from the people our actions are meant to serve.

There are different modes of giving – ”time, treasure, or talent” – is one framework. But each takes on new life when rooted in care, love, or prayer. If you donate, take a moment to pray for the person on the other end. If you give your time, be fully present. If you offer your skills, do it with peace, not pressure.

The difference lies in presence versus performance. 

When we approach our relationships like items on a to-do list—dinner with family (check), call mom (check), help colleague (check)—we rob these interactions of their deeper meaning. Going through the motions isn't enough. Love invites us to be genuinely interested in the people and situations involved. 

Personal service means seeking to bring our full selves to our commitments. 

It's the difference between grudgingly attending your child's recital and being genuinely curious about their experience. Between helping a friend move house and actually caring about their transition. 

The actions may look identical from the outside, but the internal posture transforms everything—for both giver and receiver.

At the end of the day, it’s about how more than what.

Put It Into Practice This Week

Right now, identify one relationship where you think you’ve been "checking boxes" instead of truly engaging.

Now, pause and ask yourself: "What do I genuinely want to know about the person's current experience?"

Consider and plan one concrete way you can demonstrate this concern the next time you see this person. Yeah, actualize visualize this happening, so that you train yourself to do it.

The next time you see the person, really seek to live this out. Or even do it right now.

After all, there’s no greater opportunity than the present moment.

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