Cure Unhealthy Self-Love
Monk Mindset for Living Well
Monk Mindset 5
Choose Love: Love is Your Purpose
Reflection on the Monk Mindset & Quote
So many of us struggle with loving and caring for ourselves in a healthy way. Some of us don’t feel lovable or worthy of love. Others of us struggle with a self-love in which we pamper ourselves or indulge any desire.
But what does healthy self-love actually look like?
St. Bernard of Clairvaux, the 12th century Cistercian monk, mystic, and spiritual master outlined four degrees of love:
Love Oneself for One’s Own Sake
Love God for One’s Own Sake
Love God for God’s Own Sake
Love Oneself for God’s Self
St. Bernard explains that most people remain at the first degree of love – some advance to the second degree of love but few actually go on to the 3rd or 4th degrees of love.
Interestingly, when you look at the writings of other monastic mystics such as Teresa of Avila or John of the Cross, they also say that very few people actually mature to the most advanced degrees of spiritual growth or love, whereas the vast majority (probably over 95%) remain in the very beginning stages. This is a powerful challenge to any of us.
Let’s look at healthy self-love in the context of St. Bernard’s 1st degree of Love: “Love Oneself for one’s own sake”.
St. Bernard says that one of the key antidotes to an unhealthy self love in which we struggle with overindulgence is to give to our neighbors and serve our neighbors as we do ourselves. This is essentially a re-packaging of Jesus’ great command to “love your neighbor as yourself”.
So, a key aspect of healthy self-love is to endeavor to treat our neighbors as we do ourselves.
Put It Into Practice This Week
What is one area where you tend to overindulge?
What’s one thing you can do in the coming weeks for someone or a group of people in your midst that is related to what you tend to overindulge?
Some examples to jog your imagination:
If you struggle with your relationship with food, host a dinner for friends or people who are more marginalized and cook for them.
If you struggle with sloth, do one thing that can provide rest or comfort for someone who lacks the comfort that you enjoy. For example, get a hotel/motel room for a homeless person in winter for a night.
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