The Easy Secret to Loving when its Hard

Monk Mindset for Living Well

Monk Mindset 2

Family and Community: Commit to Family Rituals

Reflection on the Monk Mindset & Quote

In the monastery, we had dinner together every night. This was a privileged time for nurturing community and relationships. Of course, doing the same thing with the same people every day sometimes felt boring or mundane.

It can often be hardest to love those closest to us – members of our family, classmates and friends that we see all the time, people who no longer hold novelty or intrigue for us. But consistently finding little ways to serve and love those in our midst actually becomes the fabric of true heroism.

When I didn’t feel like loving or even being interested, I know my face revealed this lack of care. However, I learned a secret weapon to break through my stoicism: just smile.

It didn’t matter if I didn’t feel like it, just smile anyway. At first I was concerned that my smile would appear fake or forced. 

I decided not to worry about it and smile anyway. I found that other brothers in the monastery would often smile back, and it almost always strengthened our relationship.

If you genuinely wish someone well, even if you don’t feel like it, offering a smile can be a gateway to love, as Mother Teresa put it.

Put It Into Practice This Week

Actually envision how you will be present at your next family or communal dinner. 

What will you say? What expression will you have on your face? Is there a small, kind thing you can do for them? 

Thinking ahead about how we will act in situations will often help us act the way we want to.

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